pgAdmin can't connect to port 5432

I realise this is probably my fault for not setting up Postgres properly
so may question is how do you setup postgres to play nicely with pgAdmin?

Background:
We're with a host provider who uses FreeBSD and installed postgresql
using their tools, it's running and I can get to it by using the 'psql'
command at the SSH prompt. I can even use 'createdb' etc. as root or as
the 'pgsql' user on the system.

I created a new user in postgres using: CREATE USER mike CREATEUSER
PASSWORD 'whatevermypasswordis'.

But when I connect using pgAdmin3 (winxp) it says connection refused.

Ran a 'netstat' at the SSH prompt of the server and 5432 wasn't open but
nor is 3306 and I can connect to the MySQL server on there running a
front-end at my pc just fine.

'ps aux' says:
pgsql 49576 0.0 0.1 15136 2076 ?? Is 6:46PM 0:00.04
/usr/local/bin/postmaster (postgres)
pgsql 49577 0.0 0.1 6868 2000 ?? I 6:46PM 0:00.01
postmaster: stats buffer process (postgres)
pgsql 49578 0.0 0.1 5940 2088 ?? I 6:46PM 0:00.01
postmaster: stats collector process (postgres)

'pg_ctl status' as root says:
pg_ctl: postmaster is running (PID: 49576)
Command line was:
/usr/local/bin/postmaster

'pg_ctl' as unprivileged user says:
pg_ctl: postmaster or postgres not running

I guess I'm just stuck and need help anyone know how to get pgAdmin to
connect to postgresql? Is there anything I missed when setting it up?

Is there an IP wildcard I need to set somewhere, like the MySQL GRANT
ALL ON *.* TO mike@'%' IDENTIFIED BY 'whatevermypasswordis';?

Thanks,

Michael